It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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