And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You smell like stripper and shame
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize