i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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