I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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