The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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