I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
