I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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