Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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