He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize