His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
