We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
