i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
