So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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