i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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