i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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