oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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