i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
