dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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