I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
