Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
