when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Im part way to drunk.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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