Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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