Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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