My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
