i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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