careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
