this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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