I think my fart just growled at me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
