I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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