Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
