A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize