Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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