What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
