I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
