Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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