dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
