My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
