Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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