I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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