I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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