i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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