Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
