I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
