at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
