She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
