I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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