woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
