I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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