Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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