ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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