you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
