need another drink. this is the easiest way
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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