Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
