my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
