Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dignity is for republicans.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have fence marks all over my body
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
