I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
