I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
