I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
