Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
