Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
