I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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