It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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