I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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