I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
