omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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