My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
