It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I currently don't understand fingers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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