I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
