So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
