Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
