I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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