Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
