An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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