I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
