i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
