Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
