My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
