I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
