I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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