I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she peed on how many people?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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