she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
