I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
