it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
