well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
