writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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