Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
