I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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