no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
ok first of all what the fuck
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
