Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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