She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
