Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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