I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
