mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
