dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
